Tag: by Funke Egbemode

Is IVF Anti-faith?, By Funke Egbemode

Funke Egbemode

“When I confided in my pastor that my husband and I were finally ready to try IVF, he shook his head so vigorously I thought he was going to have a fit. “Your faith is gone. Sister, have you concluded that God needs help, that he cannot give you a child? Have you not heard testimonies of women who had babies in their 50s, even in their 60s? Have you forgotten the story of Sarah? Why do you want to help God?” Sister Joke was lost, short for words, shaken,…

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Virgin hunter, By Funke Egbemode

Funke Egbemode

Why, how do men who have burgled many virgins’ coven suddenly develop a taste and thirst for virgin brides? Do they not know that once a virgin has been undone, the damage is irreversible? Tamuno was a man-about-town. He played the field and sowed generously. He gave himself as well as his substance. He was the Nigerian version of Don Juan. He knew where all a girl’s buttons were and once he got his fingers on them, he kept them there until both he and the girl were sated and…

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King Who Died Inside The Honey Pot, By Funke Egbemode

Funke Egbemode

When Prince Amuniwaiye ascended the throne of his fathers, it looked like he would do well. Oyo had looked forward to a new era after the departure of Gberu, Amuniwaiye’s father who was ‘convinced’ to put an end to his own life. Unfortunately, lion’s cub will never go to the abode of a sheep to feed. The new Alaafin’s story was no better than his father’s. The only difference was the mode of death. Alaafin Amuniwaiye had a ‘medicine man’, a Special Adviser on spiritual matters called Olukoyisi. Olukoyisi, afraid…

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Accidental Pregnancies, By Funke Egbemode

Funke Egbemode

One of the things I find most wondrous about God is the way He distributes children. Oh yes, I’m a Christian and I strongly believe that God is the ‘giver’ of children. I do not believe that even IVF can work without God’s say-so. Ask the gynaecologists, they will tell you. Even they cannot explain why some couples have to try IVF five times while others are successful at the first attempt. Let’s even assume that you are a scientist and you have answers to the IVF question, can you…

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Problem With The Whole Truth, By Funke Egbemode

Funke Egbemode

Do women pretend when looking for a husband material? Well, the truth is they do. Do men do the same? You bet. We are all in the game, unfortunately. We all seem to have pasts that are as long as from Lagos to Gombe and so there is so much to hide. And we all want to hide them. But if you ask me, men encourage the pretext and the lies. A man who has taken 10 maidenheads wants to marry a virgin. Why shouldn’t there be girls who will…

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Is Your Son Married To A ‘Citizen’?, By Funke Egbemode

Funke Egbemode

So, aunty, your grandchildren being born as Canadian or American citizens is not all you should consider. Think of all the angles and scenarios. Tell your son to have investments back home in Nigeria in case, God forbid, he has to return and restart his life to save his sanity.   After 15 years in the US, Bolaji returned to Nigeria, alone with only what can fit into his suitcases. He returned without a wife, his two children. He was not deported. His marriage failed. His wife got custody of…

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Before You Dissolve Like Alum, By Funke Egbemode

Funke Egbemode

The first thing I noticed was her hair. She had gone almost completely gray. Her skirt suit hung on her, shapeless. She wore no make-up. She had no colour. But I recognised her all the same. Nike, my younger friend, once lovely, shapely and lively, made her way into the airport lounge. I called her name, tentatively and she brightened momentarily and then we hugged and hugged. “What’s happened to you? You are not ill? Please tell me you are fine.” I asked as bad pictures of AIDS and cancer…

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Sex, Pastors And Pastors’ Wives, By Funke Egbemode

Funke Egbemode

“Seriously though, if a man is hiding out on prayer mountains for eight months, avoiding his wife’s bed and bosom, it is safe to assume that his matchbox is wet. A wet matchbox will have wet matchsticks. Wet matchsticks can’t produce sparks, least of all light a fire.”   Today I’m worried about men of God, wet matchboxes and the fire at the base of the mountains of pastors’ wives. I’m worried about pastors who leave their wives’ needs unattended in the name of doing God’s work. A pastor’s wife…

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Deadly Wish, By Funke Egbemode

Funke Egbemode

Tinu, Tola and Rita have been friends for about 20 years. They all started small but God has been kind to them. Their marriages are still intact too. So, we can safely say that they are lucky or blessed. That is not to say they have not had seasons that looked like God was not on their side. Tinu lost two precious pregnancies. Rita lost one of two sons and Tola had to wait 10 years for a second child. As for their marriages, the storms came. Rita’s husband went…

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From My Crystal Ball, By Funke Egbemode

Funke Egbemode

It is the fourth day of the year. It’s an opportunity to do something new, refocus your life and do things differently. This is the best time to look back, nod or shake your head, depending on what you see. Was 2024 a year you’ll like to do again what you did or is 2025 a year you are determined to change some things? This is the first Saturday of the year. You probably are not at work. Spend today to process where you were in 2024 and plot where…

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