Tag: by Funke Egbemode

Why Are Grandmas Having Affairs?, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

What has God not blessed her with? Her husband is well- to-do, healthy and the children are doing well. But Madam B did it and it’s done. She’s 52 and is cheating on her husband. It’s hard to understand…What is worse? The numbers of older couples cheating on their spouses are on the rise.”     Nobody understands. How could she do it? Why did she do it after all these years? An affair after 25 years of marriage and three grown-up children? What is she still looking for? What…

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When Your Son-In-Law Beats Your Daughter, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

Daisy was born beautiful. Her mother received her with misty eyes. Her father felt so proud. After three boys, Manny was beginning to doubt his ability to make a female baby. And now along came Daisy from his loins. He’s a complete man, after all. Right? There was so much to eat and drink at the naming ceremony of Daisy. She got a name from every member of the family. Quite a list, but the one that stuck was the one her paternal grandmother gave her, Gift. Mama had five…

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It’s Just Sex, Nothing More, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

Sometimes, a woman is just a glorified call girl, “olosho” , but she tells herself she’s in a relationship. She calls a man her boyfriend while he sees her as just a booty call. She believes she has a man in her life while the man sees her as just one of the girls in his life. She invests her time and body in the ‘relationship’ while the man treats her a little bit better than a prostitute. She’s the one that is all over him just like chocolate melts…

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When Men Go Hunting, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

Monogamy is a tough call. One-man-one-woman can only be the title of a book, it can’t be law or most men end up in jail. Fine, women cheat too but for today, let’s just concentrate on the men. Men are used to hunting. They see a woman endowed with a beauty queen waist that tapers into South-African hips and dive right into it. It’s what they do. And it is what we know. But when a man gets propositioned, when he is hunted or toasted, he starts singing in tongues.…

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When A Child Turns Out Bad, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

It is God who gives babies. It is the God-assigned duties of parents to nurse and nurture those babies into adulthood. It is a long journey, onerous task to grow babies into adults. Every parent, every aunt and uncle knows that that long journey is bumpy, painful and lonely. Many times we stumble. Many times we get it right. Occasionally parents fail, sometimes woefully. Sometimes because they did not do the right thing at the right time or failed altogether to do anything. Sometimes, circumstances just work against both parents…

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Financial Terrorist Husbands, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

Are you one of these husbands who punish their wives by depriving them of money? Yes, you are mean, but most importantly you are a short-sighted fool. I’m too harsh and hard? Well, this message is not going to be a soft one and I won’t deliver it gently. I want it to sink hard, fast and furious. That’s why I’m not going to pull my punches. When your wife offends you and because you are the breadwinner, you decide to turn off the plugs on all financial support in…

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The Wedding Is Off!, By Funke Egbemode

Abibat Babalola

  11 o’ clock! The groom is yet to surface. Throwing convention to the winds, the bride lifts her veil and starts pacing up and down, her lips moving in prayer. God, where could he be?   It’s been going on for years, maybe three, maybe more or less. Everybody expects the journey to culminate at the usual final bus stop. And true to people’s expectations, it looks like the normal thing will definitely happen. The invitation cards are out, the wedding trousseau complete. She has made trips and trips…

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When You Miss Your Step, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

She has lost two children. One via miscarriage, the other through still-birth. They just couldn’t afford basic medical-care. So, when she gave birth to her son, she was not just over the moon, she vowed to protect him with her life. She told herself she would breastfeed him for 18months and work as hard as she could to give him a great life. However, fate had other plans. Tola’s breasts, as full as they were couldn’t produce enough milk to feed her son. She ate, drank everything that was prescribed…

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Manless and happy, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

Without a man, you could spend a week in the same clothes without a shower if you want. You can wear your comfortable black bra for two weeks. Who will know when there is no boyfriend ‘doing general checking?   We all experience it at one point or the other, that dry season when a woman is simply totally ‘manless’. The men can’t find you or you can’t find them. What you choose to do with this break now depends on you but I can tell you for free that…

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Unexpected Pregnancies, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

One of the things I find most wondrous about God is the way He distributes children. Oh yes, I’m a Christian and I strongly believe that God is the “giver” of children. I do not believe that even IVF can work without God’s say-so. Ask the gynaecologists, they will tell you. Even they cannot explain why some couples have to try IVF five times while others are successful at the first attempt. Let’s even assume that you are a scientist and you have answers to the IVF question, can you…

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