Tag: by Funke Egbemode

I Don’t Want A Mother-in-law, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

I met a woman, a mother-in-law in Jordan. I mean at the River Jordan while I was on pilgrimage to Jerusalem many years ago. We were on the same bus and the same prayer group. It was an intensive 10-day of praying, fasting, except only when we were eating or sleeping. But this lady struck me in a different way. We got talking and she told me her main prayer points. As we stood in River Jordan was for her daughter in law. The poor girl, she told me she…

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The black market called marriage, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

This bride is not turned on by humble-beginnings or aroused by let’s-start-together-from-the-scratch pitch. The soup must not only be cooked and ready to be served, there must also be a servant to serve it.   To many, marriage is about love and passion. To others, it is an investment and to someone like me, it is all of that and also black market. You can love all you want and not be able to keep the glow. You can be as passionate as you can and still not be able…

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Virgin Hunter, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

Tamino was a man about town. He played the field and sowed generously. He gave himself as well as his substance. He was the Nigerian version of Don Juan. He knew where all a girl’s buttons were and once he got his fingers on them, he kept them there until both he and the girl were sated and satisfied. And the girls were eager to please. Tamuno, the player, he reigned long, hard and deep. Of course, all good things must come to an end. So, it was for Tamino.…

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Dear Madam, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

Some wives are not worth the titles they carry. They are women, yes. Wives? No. The right moves, acts and depth are just not there. It is either they forgot everything their mothers and clerics taught them about being a wife or they simply came up with their own codes of conduct but whatever they did, now they are not happy. They are not enjoying their marriages. And they are blaming everybody and everything but themselves. Do you know any wives like that? We all do. Women who refuse to…

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Death is A Scorned Woman, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

Where you can resolve issues, don’t threaten your wife before you are made to learn the hard way. If she could determine to stick by you through thick and thin, she could also re-channel that determination to destroy you.   Kunle was a rich businessman and had made more than enough money to have a new wife three years after his first wife died, leaving him with three children. And so, he married Seyi. From all intents and purposes, people envied Seyi’s good luck at catching such a rich fish.…

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Japa, Marriage, Sex and Money, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

“A wife left in Nigeria or posted abroad is expected to be faithful… Nonsense. Do women not also have libido?”         Letty was a good girl who became a good wife but the seasons changed and this once-upon-a-time choir leader, like Lot’s wife, looked back and right before the eyes of her Pastor and in the presence of her bewildered husband, is turning into a pillar of salt. The kind of salt no one wants to touch or taste. It was all the fault of this Japa…

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When ‘Sorry’ Means Nothing, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

We called them the ‘happening couple’. Flex (real name was Felix) was a 500 level medicine student, while Tunrayo was a 200 level Law student. Though the two of them were very busy ‘effico’, they spent every free moment together. They went to the bukateria together, walked hand-in-hand to the library and the cinema. They were a reference point especially when we girls wanted to ‘yab’ our NFA male classmates who were in the habit of giving excuses to their girlfriends as to why they couldn’t take them to see…

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The Juicy Power of The Other Room, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

How smart can you claim to be if you clean a gun for hours, load it with bullets, cock it and then you let him go shoot it somewhere else? Babe, you are all the shooting range he needs.   The other room is the most important room in the home and in any woman’s life. Every woman knows that. So, don’t mind those who are pretending to be holier than the sacred sanctuary. It’s okay to have powers in and over the other rooms, but a woman who does…

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My Mummy Is Getting Married, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

“And for those who think that sex and companionship are the same thing, shame on you! Sex is on every street corner. Any man who can get an erection can service a waist.” Lola is 59 and getting married again. She has been single for 27 years and had, with the grace and help of God, raised four children all by herself. She made the announcement at New Year dinner with her children in Canada and all four of them dropped their cutleries. Their eyebrows simultaneously shot up. That was…

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Intimate Affairs: The Lady Boss Wife, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

She has come a long way. She started small, very small in fact, but life has been kind to her. She has found favour with God and man. Today, the young awkward marketing executive is the Chief Operating Officer of a multi-million naira concern. She has men, her father’s age, calling her Madam, and women, more beautiful than her, scrambling for her attention and approval. She is a force you can’t ignore in her industry. Though many women wish they were in her shoes but her life is not all…

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