Tag: by Funke Egbemode

Japa, Marriage, Sex and Money, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

“A wife left in Nigeria or posted abroad is expected to be faithful… Nonsense. Do women not also have libido?”         Letty was a good girl who became a good wife but the seasons changed and this once-upon-a-time choir leader, like Lot’s wife, looked back and right before the eyes of her Pastor and in the presence of her bewildered husband, is turning into a pillar of salt. The kind of salt no one wants to touch or taste. It was all the fault of this Japa…

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When ‘Sorry’ Means Nothing, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

We called them the ‘happening couple’. Flex (real name was Felix) was a 500 level medicine student, while Tunrayo was a 200 level Law student. Though the two of them were very busy ‘effico’, they spent every free moment together. They went to the bukateria together, walked hand-in-hand to the library and the cinema. They were a reference point especially when we girls wanted to ‘yab’ our NFA male classmates who were in the habit of giving excuses to their girlfriends as to why they couldn’t take them to see…

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The Juicy Power of The Other Room, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

How smart can you claim to be if you clean a gun for hours, load it with bullets, cock it and then you let him go shoot it somewhere else? Babe, you are all the shooting range he needs.   The other room is the most important room in the home and in any woman’s life. Every woman knows that. So, don’t mind those who are pretending to be holier than the sacred sanctuary. It’s okay to have powers in and over the other rooms, but a woman who does…

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My Mummy Is Getting Married, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

“And for those who think that sex and companionship are the same thing, shame on you! Sex is on every street corner. Any man who can get an erection can service a waist.” Lola is 59 and getting married again. She has been single for 27 years and had, with the grace and help of God, raised four children all by herself. She made the announcement at New Year dinner with her children in Canada and all four of them dropped their cutleries. Their eyebrows simultaneously shot up. That was…

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Intimate Affairs: The Lady Boss Wife, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

She has come a long way. She started small, very small in fact, but life has been kind to her. She has found favour with God and man. Today, the young awkward marketing executive is the Chief Operating Officer of a multi-million naira concern. She has men, her father’s age, calling her Madam, and women, more beautiful than her, scrambling for her attention and approval. She is a force you can’t ignore in her industry. Though many women wish they were in her shoes but her life is not all…

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INTIMATE AFFAIRS: A Second Wife’s Reality Checklist, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

Polygamy is not another type of marriage. Polygamy is another level in the marriage pantheon. It is a special kind of marriage that involves more than one woman loving and laying claims to one man. Of course, no wife wants to hear of or have to contend with it, because no woman really wants to share the heart or any part of her man. But polygamy is real and I bet, at least one marriage is threatened by this harsh reality even as you read this. Do I support it?…

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Intimate Affairs: Intimate Warnings For 2024, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

You are 33 and not doing badly. You are comfortable and beautiful but your love of easy money has blurred your childhood vision of a cozy happy home with children and a husband that loves you to bits. Your once vivid dream of falling in love and marrying early to raise four children while nurturing a career has since given way to the steady ready flow of cash and ‘baby of life’ lifestyle. You are now a chartered side chick, living on the side street of some other women’s lives.…

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Intimate Affairs: DNA: Should Some Secrets Be kept Forever?, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

This DNA problem is steadily becoming a problematic epidemic, isn’t it? It is querying the integrity of our men’s manhood and stripping our women of their belt of chastity.  Even good wives are being subjected to bombastic side eye when their husbands think they are not looking. Hitherto regarded great wives are now being looked at suspiciously with daddies checking out the noses, nails and hairlines of their sons and skin tones of their daughters to see if they match those of their living and dead ancestors. Home-made DIY (do-it-yourself)…

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Men Give, Women Receive, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

Ola: Men are foolish, very foolish. Lola: Ah ah, what’s biting you? How can you just wake up and make such a blasphemous declaration? Ola: How did blasphemy come into this matter? You don’t even know what I’m talking about. Lola: I’m itching to find out, trust me. You, a man declaring that men, all men are fools. I’m a woman and I will not even say such a thing. You can call men overgrown babies. They love breasts and are never weaned from them. They love to be petted…

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Stop Stalking Your Man, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

“How do you stop a man from sowing his oats, wild or mild? How does a wife assume the role of a monitoring spirit to deliver her husband from the spirit of philandering?”   Nse has become a comic character in her husband’s office. Once she drives in through the gates, the staff, especially the girls, start making faces, calling one another’s attention to the arrival of ‘Madam Godzilla.’ ‘Mama is in the building, make some noise…’ ‘Who is the current champion? ‘Or current prime suspect. ‘Oga, needs protection.’ ‘What…

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