Tag: by Funke Egbemode

Food for the gods, by Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

“Madam BD does not share her man. All the girls he had dated have sad stories to tell.”   Kudi, fine-girl-no-pimples, was one of those undergraduates who lived their lives on their own terms on campus. Kay-girl, as she was fondly called, was an ‘aristo’ girl. Small-small boys were not her thing. She liked them known and rich, politicians and business tycoons. The age or size of their bellies did not matter. They just needed to be loaded in their pockets but if they were loaded ‘downstairs’ too, ah, that…

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When Men Die In Active Service, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

Tope, my trophy wife friend, ended in hospital and in trouble. No, she’s not ill. Her husband, Otunba, was rushed to the hospital about 2.a.m a few days ago, panting and gasping. He lost consciousness on the way to the hospital but was luckily resuscitated. He, however, still ended in the intensive care unit where he spent four days with one leg on earth and the other in the land of his ancestors. It was a trying time for not just Tope but her co-wives. Oh yes, Tope is Otunba’s…

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Sex, Pastors and Pastors’ Wives, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

Today I’m worried about men of God, wet matchboxes and the fire at the base of the mountains of pastors’ wives. I’m worried about pastors who leave their wives’ needs unattended in the name of doing God’s work. A pastor’s wife was caught pants down with her butt-naked brother-in-law defiling the clergy man’s marriage bed. The video trended for a while, last week. Did you see it? The woman said she was pushed into the act by hunger, sexual hunger. Her pastor husband was focused more on fasting and prayer…

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Bad boys, Soft Life And Used Girls, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

“Dear mothers, my dear sisters and daughters, this ugly trend is heartrending. It’s not a matter we can invite the police into or a case we can prove in court.”     Remember the good old days of Finance Houses in Nigeria? Our young men achieved success overnight. One minute they were marketing officers and the next, they were on management floor. Those places were real magic places. And you know how young men who come into money early run things. They simply remember their long gone ancestor, the prodigal…

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The Problem With long Courtships, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

Let me start with a confession. I am a closet romantic. I love red roses and blue violets. I love petal-strewn, candle-lit scenes. I love to be wined and dined in exotic places. Everyone close to me knows that my vacations are incomplete without a beach and or a beachfront hotel room. The full works. Life is to be lived and what’s a well lived life as a woman if she has not been wowed by scented candles and exotic dinner on a beach? Every man, every woman must look…

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For Gen-Z Brides, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

I’m not against social media celebration but do not live there. Do not display what you don’t want to sell. And never forget that those who want you dead or ruined are also ‘following’ you.   I love watching the musical video of Asake’s Joha. There’s just something about it that makes me smile, cheers me up even. I still can’t place a finger on it. Maybe it’s the dance steps, the moves. But this is not a review of musical videos. It is actually about brides, today’s brides dancing…

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In The Absence Of Mr. Right, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

Happily ever after is what most girls set their eyes and hearts on. Right from when we know that you are still a girl without the frilly dresses and pink bows and ribbons, we begin the plan. Yeah, we know how to be coy, bat our eyelids and try not to swoon and faint at the feet our first crush. The heart-melting smile comes naturally. We are born sweet, all of us girls. It is the men who ruin us. Or why do you think pretty little things who once…

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My wife’s son is not mine, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

Tina’s marriage to Otunba was the envy of their circles, social and political. In church, she was a reference point on what a good wife should be. She dressed elegantly always without exposing any part of her body believed to be the exclusive preserve of her husband. She was respectful and respected. Otunba was a loving and doting husband and father. For a busy powerful and wealthy Yoruba man, he made uncommon time for his family. They went on holidays together. He attended social functions with his wife. He even…

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Baby Girl, Don’t Kill Yourself Because He’s Cheating, by Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

He is the owner of his third leg and he can swing it up and down, any which way he likes. Before you down a glass of poison or jump into a fast-flowing river, consider your old mum, your doting father and what would become of them if you get delivered to them in a coffin      Women, we do all kinds of things, for love, for men. Some of those things are smart, many are stupid. One of the stupidest ones, or should I call it strangest, is…

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Women Who Shared Their Men, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

  “Those old women who lived in and with polygamy made it work. Can today’s women at least try to behave like we really are descendants of our grandmothers?”   One man, three, four wives, and a strong home, a marriage that lasted till the end of their lives. How did our grandmothers, and great-grandmothers do it? How did they cope with the sleep roasters, sharing their men’s affection, attention and bodies? Didn’t they ever get jealous, feel betrayed when the men they love bring in new women? Wait, did…

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