Tag: Funke Egbemode

Girl, Your Sweet Thing Won’t Always Be Sweet, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

A playboy can play the field forever or till his penis drops off, or whichever one comes first. A playgirl? No, she must retire quickly, indeed, before everyone notices what she does for a living. A playgirl, a runs-girl, a courtesan or a high class call girl must know when to stop. Only dumb girls play the field endlessly. Is any playgirl reading this? Or is someone reading this who knows a playgirl? Pull her ears and tell her to pull back. A girl is expected to be cool and…

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Unexpected Pregnancies, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

One of the things I find most wondrous about God is the way He distributes children. Oh yes, I’m a Christian and I strongly believe that God is the “giver” of children. I do not believe that even IVF can work without God’s say-so. Ask the gynaecologists, they will tell you. Even they cannot explain why some couples have to try IVF five times while others are successful at the first attempt. Let’s even assume that you are a scientist and you have answers to the IVF question, can you…

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Why Don’t Men Like Men’s World Again?, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

There is a way men want the world to work and that is the way they have skewed it since the Garden of Eden… You wanted us in the kitchen, we stayed there. You wanted us in za ozza room, we stayed there. You wanted us to be seen and not heard, we obeyed. You wanted many wives and concubines, we bore it all. What exactly are we being blamed for, please?     Which one of you started this new campaign of ‘women enslaving men’ again? I have been…

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The Juicy Power of The Other Room, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

How smart can you claim to be if you clean a gun for hours, load it with bullets, cock it and then you let him go shoot it somewhere else? Babe, you are all the shooting range he needs.   The other room is the most important room in the home and in any woman’s life. Every woman knows that. So, don’t mind those who are pretending to be holier than the sacred sanctuary. It’s okay to have powers in and over the other rooms, but a woman who does…

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INTIMATE AFFAIRS: Married Not For Love, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

“I had this male colleague who loves women with big natural boobs. Each time he see a woman with major ‘Manchester’ front –loads, his eyes threaten to pop out of their sockets. Indeed, he becomes incoherent. Yeah, it is that bad. Meanwhile, his wife of 16 years is beautiful but boob-less. So why did he marry a woman without boobs when he loves them stacked? Kola’s explanation was an eye opener.”   It is not every marriage that is founded on love, not every married person who married for love.…

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What’s Your Daughter-in-law Spec?, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

It was one of our girls’ hang-out evenings, our special ‘cult’ outings where we let down our hair and say things we would never say when a man is within earshot. We also join hands and pray and fast when we have to ‘bandy’ together against any bandit problem. But this particular episode was just about wine, smoothies and barbecue and pulling one another’s legs. Then Mobola announced to the girls that her son, Ope, had just told her he thought Mimi was the one. In other words, after foraging…

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For Marriages That Are Still Standing, Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

I don’t like parties. I don’t attend many and I find it very stressful organizing one. However, over the years, I have thought long and hard and concluded that there is one party that must hold every year. Wedding anniversaries. Yes, couples must celebrate themselves and God’s favour each year their marriage remains intact. The most fun part of a marriage is the beginning, the wedding ceremony. Right from when you step out of the venue, the challenges start. And there are a dozen of them. Some years are easier…

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Food for the gods, by Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

“Madam BD does not share her man. All the girls he had dated have sad stories to tell.”   Kudi, fine-girl-no-pimples, was one of those undergraduates who lived their lives on their own terms on campus. Kay-girl, as she was fondly called, was an ‘aristo’ girl. Small-small boys were not her thing. She liked them known and rich, politicians and business tycoons. The age or size of their bellies did not matter. They just needed to be loaded in their pockets but if they were loaded ‘downstairs’ too, ah, that…

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25 Most Powerful Nigerian Female Journalists Unveiled + FULL LIST

Scott Matthew

Their names, their games and their fame: What to know about “gentle women” of the press and how they made the WiJAfrica list   Women in Journalism Africa (WiJAfrica) has announced the full list of 25 most powerful female journalists in Nigeria. WiJAfrica worked with a team of industry leaders and practitioners to rank the “25 Most Powerful” women in the media – particularly journalism. WiJAfrica measured the most powerful woman journalist in four criteria including the size and effectiveness of influence in national affairs, influence in the media industry,…

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Olaiya Flyover: Should we spill more blood?, by Funke Egbemode

Funke Egbemode

  It was supposed to be a quick errand. He was supposed to be back in a jiffy because it was an emergency. But it ended badly, in tears, pains, sorrow and tragic end. If he had ended in the emergency ward, maybe he would have had a chance. But it was not his day. Indeed, his days were over. Waheed (real name held back because the family will be mourning for a long time) woke up that morning hoping the day would be better than the previous one. His…

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