Tag: by Funke Egbemode

INTIMATE AFFAIRS: A Second Wife’s Reality Checklist, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

Polygamy is not another type of marriage. Polygamy is another level in the marriage pantheon. It is a special kind of marriage that involves more than one woman loving and laying claims to one man. Of course, no wife wants to hear of or have to contend with it, because no woman really wants to share the heart or any part of her man. But polygamy is real and I bet, at least one marriage is threatened by this harsh reality even as you read this. Do I support it?…

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Intimate Affairs: Intimate Warnings For 2024, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

You are 33 and not doing badly. You are comfortable and beautiful but your love of easy money has blurred your childhood vision of a cozy happy home with children and a husband that loves you to bits. Your once vivid dream of falling in love and marrying early to raise four children while nurturing a career has since given way to the steady ready flow of cash and ‘baby of life’ lifestyle. You are now a chartered side chick, living on the side street of some other women’s lives.…

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Intimate Affairs: DNA: Should Some Secrets Be kept Forever?, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

This DNA problem is steadily becoming a problematic epidemic, isn’t it? It is querying the integrity of our men’s manhood and stripping our women of their belt of chastity.  Even good wives are being subjected to bombastic side eye when their husbands think they are not looking. Hitherto regarded great wives are now being looked at suspiciously with daddies checking out the noses, nails and hairlines of their sons and skin tones of their daughters to see if they match those of their living and dead ancestors. Home-made DIY (do-it-yourself)…

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Men Give, Women Receive, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

Ola: Men are foolish, very foolish. Lola: Ah ah, what’s biting you? How can you just wake up and make such a blasphemous declaration? Ola: How did blasphemy come into this matter? You don’t even know what I’m talking about. Lola: I’m itching to find out, trust me. You, a man declaring that men, all men are fools. I’m a woman and I will not even say such a thing. You can call men overgrown babies. They love breasts and are never weaned from them. They love to be petted…

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Stop Stalking Your Man, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

“How do you stop a man from sowing his oats, wild or mild? How does a wife assume the role of a monitoring spirit to deliver her husband from the spirit of philandering?”   Nse has become a comic character in her husband’s office. Once she drives in through the gates, the staff, especially the girls, start making faces, calling one another’s attention to the arrival of ‘Madam Godzilla.’ ‘Mama is in the building, make some noise…’ ‘Who is the current champion? ‘Or current prime suspect. ‘Oga, needs protection.’ ‘What…

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What’s Your Daughter-in-law Spec?, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

It was one of our girls’ hang-out evenings, our special ‘cult’ outings where we let down our hair and say things we would never say when a man is within earshot. We also join hands and pray and fast when we have to ‘bandy’ together against any bandit problem. But this particular episode was just about wine, smoothies and barbecue and pulling one another’s legs. Then Mobola announced to the girls that her son, Ope, had just told her he thought Mimi was the one. In other words, after foraging…

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You Can’t Get Pregnant Without My Consent’, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

Koko:Why would a man accuse a woman of trapping him with pregnancy? Kaka: Well if the woman decided to get pregnant without the man’s consent… Koko: Is that even possible? How can a woman get pregnant without her man’s consent? Will she impregnate herself? Kaka: You know some women are mean. They will just wake you up one day and say they have missed their period. Koko: If a woman has missed her period, she should tell her man. READ ALSO: Final Verdict: S’Court Reserves Judgment In Atiku, Obi’s Appeal…

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Food for the gods, by Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

“Madam BD does not share her man. All the girls he had dated have sad stories to tell.”   Kudi, fine-girl-no-pimples, was one of those undergraduates who lived their lives on their own terms on campus. Kay-girl, as she was fondly called, was an ‘aristo’ girl. Small-small boys were not her thing. She liked them known and rich, politicians and business tycoons. The age or size of their bellies did not matter. They just needed to be loaded in their pockets but if they were loaded ‘downstairs’ too, ah, that…

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When Men Die In Active Service, By Funke Egbemode

ADEOLA YUSUF

Tope, my trophy wife friend, ended in hospital and in trouble. No, she’s not ill. Her husband, Otunba, was rushed to the hospital about 2.a.m a few days ago, panting and gasping. He lost consciousness on the way to the hospital but was luckily resuscitated. He, however, still ended in the intensive care unit where he spent four days with one leg on earth and the other in the land of his ancestors. It was a trying time for not just Tope but her co-wives. Oh yes, Tope is Otunba’s…

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Sex, Pastors and Pastors’ Wives, By Funke Egbemode

Funke Egbemode

Today I’m worried about men of God, wet matchboxes and the fire at the base of the mountains of pastors’ wives. I’m worried about pastors who leave their wives’ needs unattended in the name of doing God’s work. A pastor’s wife was caught pants down with her butt-naked brother-in-law defiling the clergy man’s marriage bed. The video trended for a while, last week. Did you see it? The woman said she was pushed into the act by hunger, sexual hunger. Her pastor husband was focused more on fasting and prayer…

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